Addiction and Her Name
by whispertoascream333
Summary: Fiona tries to adjust to life post-rehab and finds that the life she left behind has changed without her
1. Chapter 1

Addiction and Her Name

Artist: There For Tomorrow

Chapter 1

If I have to look at these white walls any longer I think I may actually snap. I've been in this room for days. I don't want to see anyone yet I don't want to be alone. There's too much time to think which I'm sure is their master plan. _Let's leave her here to think about what she's done, _yeah that'll work. I turn on my side laying donw on the most uncomfortable mattress. I try not to think about how many other girls have layed in this bed. Then again, maybe it's a good thing. It's a sign that I can get out as well.

It started out as nothing much. A few drinks here and there. At parties and gatherings, your practically obligated to sip champagne and mingle with the crowd. That was the basis of my life. My family being one of the most affluent in our social circle, I had to play my part. Clearly I played it a little too well and just became who I was. Every weekend there was some event we had to attend. Gala openings, new restaurants, banquets, you name it. I used to love that life. I loved shopping for new shoes, trying on different dresses, hunting for the perfect accessories. It was a life any girl would want to live...unless she actually had to.

Somewhere along the way, I got lost in the shuffle of things. The flashing lights would dim and I would fall into this darkness I couldn't explain. I never lived in a city long enough to make any friends. The people I called my friends weren't really friends, just the children of people my parents knew. We had no choice but to talk to one another. If it weren't for my brother Declan, I don't know what would have happened to me.

"Miss Coyne, you have a visitor," Ms. Morgan said as she knocked on my door.

"I'll be right out." I put on my slippers and opened the door.

"Fi! How are you?" I looked into the green eyes of my best friend Holly J. I hated seeing how worried she was about me.

"I'm not exactly sure." Holly J went to the windows and opened up the blinds.

"You need to get some light in here. Sitting in the dark will only make you feel worse."

"It's rehab, I'm not exactly seeing a silver lining."

"You get out in a few days, if that's not a brightside, I don't know what is," she said taking a seat on the edge of my bed.

I sighed. "I suppose you're right, I can't wait to get out of here. I think this place is making me crazy."

She looked around. "I can see why, it's so plain. Boring white walls, no splash of imagination, it's enough to make someone as creative as you want to rip the doors off this place."

I smiled. I loved having Holly J. around, she had a way of making everything better if only for a second.

I took a seat next to her. "Two more days and I'm a free woman! God, we have to celebrate. I'm thinking a girl's night out or something."

"Sounds like a plan. You really deserve it, you've done so well."

I hated talking about my recovery. I gave a little smile and changed the subject. "So what's new? How's everyone?" I only really cared to hear about one person, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

"Everyone's great. Let's see Riley and Zane are better than ever, Sav and I are still good,uh " she hesitated. Her green eyes searched my face for any changes. I put on my best poker face. I wanted to know how he was.

"And Adam?" I asked after a short pause.

She looked skeptical. "Honestly? He's a wreck. He's happy you'll be out soon but he's still nervous to see you."

"Is that why he hasn't come by to visit me?" I asked getting off the bed. "I'm stuck inside this hell-hole, he hasn't even visited once!"

"Fi, please relax. Just calm down." I did my breathing exercise. It didn't take long to steady myself.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little upset."

"Kind of an understatement," she said jokingly. It was enough to make me go to a level 1 anger-wise.

"Yeah, I don't know. I though he's be in here all the time. I guess this whole thing has him freaked."

"He cares about you too much to see you like this I guess. I'm sure once you're out, he'll be with you plenty."

"I really hope your right," I said pacing the room. "I really do"


	2. Chapter 2

Addiction and Her Name

Chapter 2:

"We're really proud of you Fiona, you've come such a long way," Ms. Morgan said. She and all the other nurses stood around with smiling faces. They all looked genuinely happy for me.

"I want to thank you all so much for your help. I wouldn't be leaving if it weren't for you guys. I can't thank you enough."

"Your more than welcome." She reached in and gave me a hug. I was going to miss her, Ms. Morgan was there for me no matter how difficult I was.

I looked up at my mom who just came back from signing me out at the front desk. She shook hands with Ms. Morgan, gave her a hug and a parting gift for all that she had done. We said our final farewells and left. I had never seen a day so beautiful as this. The sun was so warm and inviting. Kids were out playing on the sidewalk, music played from car radios. It felt like the whole city was buzzing.

"I'm so happy you're home honey. I've missed you so much," my mom said as we drove through the city on our way to the condo.

"Same here, I've missed everything and everyone. I can't wait to go back to how things were before all of this."

She kissed my forehead and gave my hand a little squeeze. It was such a small gesture but it meant the world to me.

I looked out the window at the familiar sceneray. I smiled to myself. It was crazy how much you could miss even the tiniest things. We made it home and I practically raced to the elevator. I felt so excited to see my room and lay in my own bed. The first thing I wanted to do was sit in front of the TV in my most comfortable pajamas and pig out on all the food I missed while I was away.

"SURPRISE!" I was stunned to see the living room full with smiling faces of the friends I made at Degrassi. Holly J and Declan were the first two faces I saw. I ran to them and gave them the biggest hug while tears started to stream down my face.

"I can't even believe you guys! You didn't have to do this for me."

"Are you serious? You're home, it's a huge deal and deserves a party," said Declan. He gave me another hug. "I really missed you, Fi. Things aren't the same without you sis."

"Thanks Dex, I missed having my brother around. But I'm back and better than ever!"

"That's good to hear," Holly J said wrapping me up in another hug. "Come on, let's do your welcome home right."

I walked the room and caught up with everyone. It meant a lot to know that people actually cared about me and my recovery. I loved catching up on everyone's life. I felt like I was missing so much while i was away. No one asked me questions about rehab and I was more than happy for that. I loved being in the moment and forgetting the whole reason behind the party.

The place was packed with kids dancing along to the house music that was playing. Everyone was smiling and laughing, having a wonderful time. I joined in the fun, bobbing to the songs and getting lost in the beats. It was the perfect distraction from life. So long as the music was playing, I didn't have time to think about anything negative. I wanted to live in that moment forever.

I needed a dance break, my feet were killing me from all the dancing and walking around I was doing. I went out on the patio. The cool night air did wonders for my overheated body. A soft breeze ruffled my long curls. I sat on a chair and closed my eyes. I could still hear the music from inside, but it was quiet enough to be at peace.

A few minutes in to my quiet time, I heard the screen door open. It let out the noise of the party. I opened my eyes and saw the one person I wanted to see most.

"Adam!" I said breathlessly.

"Hey Fiona." He lingered by the door. Something about the way he stood made me feel uneasy.

"Are you okay?" I asked. There was definitately something off. I could tell he had a lot on his mind. I wished more than anything he could tell me.

"We need to talk." Those four words made my heart drop to the pit of my stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

Addiction and Her Name

Chapter 3

"I'm glad you're back," he said after a minute or two.

"So am I. It's really nice to see you again Adam. I really missed you while I was away. I didn't expect you to be here."

This brought him up short. "Why do you say that?"

"Well I was away for a few months and you didn't visit...not even once-" I stopped myself. I was on the verge of spilling too much of what I really felt. It was too soon in the conversation for that, plus I feard what would happen if I was too aggressive.

"Fi..," he started. He sighed and licked his lips. "I really wanted to visit you, please believe me. It was just too hard. Anytime I told myself I would, fear just got in the way. It would have killed me to see you in that place, knowing how hard it was for you."

"It would have been a little easier to have you around every once in a while. It was the worse but it could have been made better if you stopped by at least once!"

He walked to the railing and looked over at the city. He wore a thoughtful expression. "You're right and I'm sorry. I can't apologize enough for that. But there's some things you have to know. While you were away, I had a lot of time to think."

" About what?"

"Well...us and this relationship."

"Just spit it out Adam." I couldn't take his tip-toeing anymore.

"I think we need to take a break."

The needle scratched on the record in my mind. "Excuse me?" Clearly I had a mental break or something. "What did you say?"

"Look, you're going through a lot right now-"

"And you think breaking up with me is going to make it better? Screw you, Adam! How could you do this? And today of all days?" I had never been so disgusted by anyone in my life.

"I'm not trying to hurt you."

"Really? If this is what it's like when you're not trying, I'd hate to stick around to see you put in the effort." I crossed my arms over my chest. "I just love how you're going about making all these decisions without me getting a say."

He looked down at the ground and kicked his foot against the railing. "I didn't mean for this all to happen like this, especially not today. You'll always be my princess-"

"Oh, cut the crap Adam. If this is how you want to end things, then I'm better off without you. The only thing I'm upset about is wasting all those months wishing you'd come and see me. I don't need this and I don't need you. I have a room full of people in there who actually care about me," I said pointing at the door.

"What and I don't? I've always cared about you Fi, from the moment I met you. I can't always be your knight in shining armor. This has taken a toll on me too in case you haven't realized. I stood by you the whole time! It hasn't been easy but I made the best of it. I got you the help you needed, what more can I do?"

"Be there now, when I need you the most." I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes. I wiped them away angrily. I looked at Adam for a second and turned my focus away from him.

"Please don't cry." His voice was so sweet and sounded closer than before. I looked back; he was a few feet away. "Fi, I love you. I always will." He closed the distance and wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and breathed in the familiar smell. My heart broke from this level of closeness.

"I love you too, Adam. I really do," I hicupped.

He pulled away from me and dried my eyes. "It's going to be okay Fi, don't cry. We don't have to be in a relationship right now. We can go back to be being friends and take it from there. I don't want to lose you."

"You never will." It felt like there was more I wanted to say, but I didn't have the heart to continue. I went in for another hug and he didn't miss a beat. I wanted to stay in his arms forever.


	4. Chapter 4

Addiction and Her Name

**This is for you all that requested I continue. I was really going to leave it at Chpt 3. I didn't think I did a good job but Fadam fans totally wanted to see this story play out so here you guys go! **

Chapter 4:

It was easy fitting back into my usual routines. Degrassi welcomed me back with open arms and it was almost like I had never left at all. I never thought I would be excited to wear that God awful uniform but I felt comforted slipping into my blue polo shirt with the gold 'D' sewn across the left side. I stood in the mirror, applying another coat of lip gloss. It felt like today was going to be a good day.

Since the party at my house a few weeks ago, I hadn't really seen much of Adam. At first it bugged me but then I came to terms that it was really the end. I saw him here and there in the halls some times. It would always be at the worst time to have a conversation, like 3 seconds before the late bell would go off. We'd simply wave to each other and keep on going like ships passing in the night.

I got my bag and headed out the door. It was a quick trip to school. I ended up getting there earlier than I needed to. I hated when things like this happened and I was alone. I sighed at my bad luck and walked around the front of the school aimlessly. That got boring very quickly so I took a seat on one of the benches near the basketball court. It was a quiet morning, some kids in grade nine were playing a game. I sat there watching them, my only source of entertainment. Sports were lost on me. The sun was out already. It felt nice against my skin. I opened up my bag, remembering I had stuffed a magazine in there last night. I was a few pages in and reading an article on the latest designs in from Paris when a shadow blocked my light. I looked up. All I could see was the shape of a person, the sun blocked out a good portion of their face.

"Good morning," and I knew instantly who it was.

I looked up smiling and squinting. "Morning, do you want to join me?" I asked.

Adam took a seat right across from me on the other side of the bench. My heartbeat started to speed up when he smiled at me. It made me blush like a little girl. Even after all this time and all that has happened between us, he still had that affect on me.

"So what are you doing here so early? You're usually right on time," he noted.

"Yeah, I guess I got ahead of myself this morning or something...what about you? Are you normally here this early?"

"Not really...no actually. This morning was kind of weird. Drew had some practice or something for basketball and needed to be in early. It was either come here this time and get a ride or foot it later on."

"You made the right choice," I said fiddling with my necklace.

"I'm starting to see that." He looked me right in the eyes. His face was completely straight when he said it. Did that mean he was happy that he didn't have to walk? Or did that mean he was happy to be there with me? _Stop it, Fiona. Don't go down that road again_ I had to tell myself.

I wasn't sure what to say. "So um, what are you up to today?... you know besides school and everything." Why was I so nervous.

"I hadn't really thought much about it." He looked around him. To me, he seemed a bit unsure of himself.

"This is weird for you, isn't it? To be honest, it is for me too." He stopped looking around and focused on me.

"Really?" He laughed to himself. "As long as we're being honest," he took hold of my hands. "I really missed you. I thought distance would be best but clearly I was wrong. I though about calling you a thousand times...but after the way things ended, after the way I treated you when you needed me most..."

"Adam, it's okay. Really it is. I know I haven't exactly been the easiest person to be with, and that's putting it lightly." We bothed laughed at my small joke. "I missed this," I said nudging my head to where his hands were still over mine. "I miss us, being with you, talking to you...all of it." I could feel tears in my eyes. I wasn't even sad yet they formed before I had a chance to process it.

Some tears made their way down my face before I had the chance to stop them. Adam reached his hand to my face and softly wiped them away.

"I missed us too. When you were gone, it felt like there was a huge hole in my heart. I missed hearing your laugh and seeing your smile. I missed the way your eyes look when I call your name. Everything and anything about you, I wanted back."

It was amazing to hear him say the words I'd spent months wishing he'd say. There was still on thing I needed to know.

"The night of my homecoming, you said you had a lot of time to think about things while I was away," I paused. He sat patiently waiting for me to get it together in my head. "What things did you think about? How to break up with me or-?"

"God no, Fiona! That was the last thing I wanted to do. I just thought it was best for you. I thought about how difficult it had to be inside that place. I thought about the life we would have after you came home. But then I realized that all my wants were selfish. I wanted you back for all the wrong reasons, or so it felt. I wanted you back just so you could be with me, and that wasn't right. I should have only had your best interest in mind-"

I put a hand over his mouth. "Adam, you do realize you're the sweetest guy I ever met right?" I moved my hand and replaced it with my lips.

Of all the things I missed from Adam, it was his kisses. He was never aggressive yet not too soft. Somehow he had the perfect combination. A kissing guru of sorts. I smiled and broke away from him.

It's funny how you can wake up and have such a positive feeling about a day. I guess it's true what they say, everything happens for a reason. Adam sat across from me, smiling. I couldn't have been happier if I tried. In that moment, there was no need to try. All I needed to be was me.


End file.
